On Gratitude

 

The ego Eckhart Tolle tells us is a wanting entity it loves to want and is never satisfied when it gets.  The ego in relation to trying to conceive is an out of control beast of wanting, every month every fibre of your being is wanting something so much.

I struggle with always being in a state of wanting, it makes me feel like I am missing the beautiful life I have in front of me in favour of something else thus I don’t enjoy what I have and I don’t have what I want.  The limbo life of trying to have a baby.

I recently listened to a talk by author Sarah Ban Breathnach I bought copies of her book for my family and friends for Christmas years ago.  Oddly I never kept a copy for myself and have recently borrowed the one I gave to my mother in law.  The book is simple; each day Sarah gives us a small slice of life to be grateful for, to reflect on and count our blessings with.

Today’s lesson is about growing a garden about starting small and never losing hope and to give thanks to the miracle of blooming flowers.  In her interview she talked about how she started writing this book with a seemingly direct instruction from god to write down a 100 things she was grateful.  This created an incredible shift on her heart and her whole life.

I figure the only way to stem the constant longing of my fertility journey is to start to seriously take stock and give thanks for everything I have in my life now.  Each night for the last four nights I have been writing down 5 things I am grateful for that day.  They range from small things life the luscious taste of my berry smoothie in the morning, to sunshine that has finally been gracing our rainy skies.

Yesterday my day at work was so frantic and stressed that at the end of the day I hardly remembered the little moments that showed me grace.  It reminded me to be more alert and to actively seek out the gold in my life and give praise for it.

The shift begins now so here are a 100 things I am grateful for;

1. My beautiful, loving and loyal husband

2. My friends who have supported me and loved me so fully

3. My brothers and sister who are always a joy

4. Books and words, which make me feel connected to life

5. Laughing something that thankfully comes completely naturally

6. My home, which is a blissful beach side cottage

7. My bed, which is a raft haven of slumber

8. Art, which has saved my life

9. Journaling, which has also saved my life

10. My parents in law who always make me feel like I am safe

11. My wonderful travels around the world

12. The delectable food Greg dishes up for me on a daily basis

13. The beautiful artefacts and art that I have collected

14. The ocean and its vast horizon

15. Seeing whales launch majestically out of the sea at Eden

16. My childhood, which taught me so much and allowed me to be strong

17. My art therapy course that I will be starting next year

18. My altar which reminds me constantly that there is so much more

19. A New Earth which has opened my eyes

20. Having access to the best medical and dental care available

21. Having a fit healthy body

22. Having complete freedom to make my own decisions

23. Being able to read, write and access whatever information I need

24. Having a great job which is close to home and has purpose

25. Penny my children’s book that wrote itself

26. Amelie my littlest most loyal fan

27. Running water, plumbing and hot showers

28. Money in the bank

29. Free access through the Internet to spiritual leaders and thinkers

30. My amazing art supplies

31. Being able to walk to the beach

32. Our tranquil deck

33. Greg’s ever growing veggie patch

34. My degree and what a wonderful experience it was

35.  A pantry that is always stocked and never wanting for anything food wise

36. The many blogs that bring me such insight and inspiration from the lives of other women

37. My clothes, jewellery and shoes of which I have a lovely collection

38. To see the Guru of Chai preformed at the Parramasala festival

39. India, which holds such magic and mystery for me

40. Being able to cook especially Indian food

41. Living in such a multicultural society where I feel comfortable

42. Being able to speak well and articulate myself

44. All the happy times and little jokes I share with Greg every day

45. The nourishing cuddles I get from him every night

46. Technology, which allows me to write this blog and connect to the world

47. Our wonderful landlords who treat us with such respect

48. My juicer, which creates a power blend of green juice

49. Inspiring women like Kris Carr, Oprah, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Hilary Clinton

50. Running my moving meditation

51. Music and singing

52. Work life balance, that I get enough sleep and have time to myself

53. Having the resources to try new ideas and ventures

54. To have all my senses in perfect order

55. My collection of coats and jackets from around the world

56. For having access to assisted fertility technology

57. For the connections that I made through the Right Brain Business Plan course

58. Going to Melbourne for our anniversary

59. The trip we have planned for next year to the Himalayas

60. For Harry Potter and the simple joy the books have brought into my life

61. For my curiosity and my engagement with life

62. Lara Bars and Dates

63. My camera and the wonderful photographs I have

64.  For my long full head of hair

65. To Steven for teaching me the hard lessons about relationships

66. For our properties which give us a such a comfortable life

67. For my years rattling around the city and discovering all its delights

68. Feeling spiritually connected

69. Indian sweets

70. My skin has mostly cleared of hormonal acne

71. That I have found a compassionate doctor

72. That I have reached my running goals for this year

73. The support and praise for Penny

74. That I never hear any traffic because we live on cul-de-sac

75. For my studio which is a light filled haven

76. To Gwen Diehn for all that she has taught me about art jounaling

77. That after the anger and grief there are always lessons in every situation

78. That mostly I feel like I am exactly where I need to be

79. Soft cool cotton sheets

80. Epic movie length dreams

81. Summer sun-kissed mangos

82. The native wattles blooming in my front yard

83. The artists who have influenced my vision and showed me their soul

84. My sister-in-law who is a good friend

85. For the quiet, space and time to be able to make this list

86. My make up which saves me on days when my skin is not so good

87. Feeling secure and happy in my marriage

89. That I have forgiven my mother and let her go

90. How accepting my family is of me

91. A beautiful loving step mother

92. Fender acoustic guitar

93. For our magical wedding

94. Brand new comfortable car

95. Massages with Anousheh

96. Our trip to Bali which was blessed at every turn

97. Being creative

98. Our magnificent mirror

99. Sunshine

100. Gas heating through a cold winter

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