Its my birthday today the 7th of December, if my mothers pregnancy was text-book I was conceived on the 2nd of March. Probably on a secluded roof top high above the noisy din of a busy Madrasi neighbourhood. My mother was just 17 devastated by the death of her father and desperate to rebel against her mother. My father was 23 the youngest of 8 brothers and sisters – eager to be a man and obsessed with my mother. Theirs was a fruitful relationship if not a healthy one. It was in this mangle of despair, thrill, searing heat and emotions that I came to be – a complete accident of youthful ignorance. The tumult of my conception gives me hope that life is a force of nature and can not be contained. It will break through stress, despair and sadness like those hardy shrubs that grow of out of steep mountain faces – life prevails.
An unexpected birthday gift has come my way this year – a conception of sorts during a deep meditation Chakra mapping session. I had the most wonderful experience of meeting myself as a – tiny embryo magical and perfect. The ecstatic happiness of this little being was thrilling like the full joy of a child being tickled by someone they love, feeling like they are going to burst with joy and yet not wanting it to end. I felt complete love, devotion, protection and affection for myself. At the end of the vision my adult self was curled around my embryo self which was surrounded by a large amniotic sack. I looked like I was pregnant and I said out loud ‘I am pregnant with myself’.
So here’s to a year of renewal, growth, development and birthing…..and my birthday wish? To hold the feeling of that meditation to be bursting with joy.