I woke up this morning thinking it was going to be a normal day, I got dressed, slipped on my heels and drove to work. The sun was trying to weakly break out of the clouds. I headed for my usual parking spot at the end of a dead-end street and as I drove up I saw a couple having a heated argument. Although the car park was full there was no one around. The girl was crying her hair was wild and her body looked defeated and flinching. The man’s energy was brewing rage his posture dominating. As he yelled he gripped a baseball bat in his right hand. Steel and black it looked so innocuous and yet so darkly threatening at the same time. The car behind him had it drivers side and front window smashed, glass was spread under his bare feet. As I called the police he started dragging the girl into the house and she kept looking back at me, her teary face imploring me to help. The threat of that bat, of the explosive anger that had smashed that glass was ever-present and yet I hated to think what would happen to this women in the prison of a red brick house.
Once they were inside I drove right up to the house still talking to the police. I got out of the car and hesitantly walked into the front yard, I could hear them arguing but I couldn’t go in. I stumbled into work and sunk into my friends arms a heaving, shaking mess of tears and explanations. We all ran back to the house four young women afraid but indignant that any women should have to go through this. The police arrived and after a scuffle the man was wrestled to the ground and hand cuffed. The girl walked past me to the safety of another police car, her face was tear streaked and her eyes so sad and scared. I quietly asked if she ok and she thanked me.
All day I have been shaking, I known that sort of violence and anger – it is terrifying to be confronted by someone’s blind rage and seeming determination to kill you. After all these years and feeling like I had finally healed I was right back to that place of terror – the gripping fear of being held by someone who loves you too much and hates you for it. Someone who wants to possess you -to hurt you.
As I have said before there are no accidents, I believe everything happens for a reason. Its late now and I can’t shake off this crazy thing that I witnessed today, and I want to know why. All day I have been focused on the fear, on the emotions, its only now that I realise just how brave I was. To firstly not turn and run from the terror to be willing to be a there with that women and make that call for help before her eyes. But mostly to seize my power in that situation – during those eerie silent minutes when it was just the three of us out on the street there was two points of power. Him with his anger and his bat and me with my phone and my determination.
On this journey there are going to be so many things that haunt us – that literally scare us to our core. I have always focused on the fear and trying everything I knew to avoid it – but today I faced it – I didn’t run and I didn’t hide. I realised even in fear there is always a point of power within us.