This was a comment that I heard at a recent Christmas party it was the same old banter about the meaning of Christmas being lost and how it feels more alive when you have children to celebrate with. I love Christmas – I love the little traditions that make for a festive season, buying a fresh tree, dressing the tree, making Christmas cake and pudding, eating, drinking and opening presents on Christmas day.
Obviously these are all traditions that I am so looking forward to sharing with my children and yes I think the experience will be all the richer for their innocent involvement. The comment made me a little sad, I have spent 3 Christmases now thinking that this scene of joy was just around the corner and yet Christmas seems to close another year without a child to bring it to life.
We always divide Christmas between our two families – we do my family the week before Christmas. This household consisting of my step mothers large and raucous family is a blur of food, fun and children screaming around on bikes, scooters and skateboards. There is always a new-born among the clan who gets passed around and cooed over. This year I got to feed the newest arrival – believe it or not that was a first for me.
On Christmas day we visit with my husband’s family this is much more toned down affair focused on conversation and relaxation. There are no children, my husband’s brother and his wife are also infertile and have resolved that they are never going to have children and his sister is single and resolved that she always will be.
I don’t know which scene makes me more sad, the one where I am holding a new-born who isn’t mine, or the other side which is starting to feel a touch lonely as we all get a little bit older. I guess Christmas is all about a birth so either way it was going to hit on a sore spot for those of us taming the beast of infertility. But I guess I can take hope from the fact that it was an immaculate conception!