Pre-fertility has rocked my confidence like few other things in my life, its made me doubt my body, my mind and my whole purpose in life. That draining of confidence meant that when I went for fertility treatment I was extremely grateful to simply hand over my body and all the decisions that went along with it. An essential part of me stopped trusting myself and that kind of mistrust brought the whole house of cards down.
Although some of that trust has come back it took reading Julia Indichova’s book Inconceivable to fully restore it. Inconceivable charts the story of Julia Indichova at 42 trying to have her second child with FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) levels so high most doctors won’t even consider treating her. Their advice – go straight to IVF with a donor egg. Although the prognosis was bleak something inside of her decided that she could be her own ‘expert’ and design the treatment that was right for her. And she does after 8 months of healthy eating, emotional cleaning and truly getting in touch with her body she conceived the inconceivable her second daughter Adi.
What I loved about this book was not that Julia was touting some miracle program or some strict diet to adhere to – what she does tout is listening to yourself, owing the truth that you are the expert on what is truly best for you and then tailoring your own treatment to heal your body, mind and soul. She by not means advises turning away from medical treatment what she does advice is consulting yourself first about what is right for you.
We are slated to start IVF treatment in June, but after reading this book I realise that I have a lot of work to do before my body is ready to have a baby. I’m tired – from the exhaustion of trying to have a baby and the collateral damage it has had on my life. My mind has been taking a well-earned rest but my body also needs a dose of high-octane love. My career could use an overhaul and I need to have a little more fun.
At times I imagine all those longed-for babies cruising around the overworld. They're leaning over the clouds, cheering us on; waiting for the right moment to beam down. Perhaps they're giving us a chance to re-parent ourselves first. As kindly and generously as we hope someday to parent them. So our best bet, I think, is to hold on to our pilgrim's stick and keep going as far as our longing takes us. One day we are bound to stand on holy ground - and for all we know someone might be there to greet us. But by then, we will have reclaimed our lives. Julia Indichova - Inconceivable
The other thing I love is that she takes her prescription as seriously as she would a course of antibiotic’s tapping into the power of consistent action. It’s the little things that we do everyday after all that add up to lifetime of fulfilment. I am one to go in with guns blazing but then slowly but surely my efforts drop off. The happiness program was the start of my own protocol and for now I am taking things 30 days at a time.
Loss of control is one the biggest losses women feel during infertility – this book showed me that you can get it back without driving yourself crazy and without having a baby in your arms. The control comes from you lovingly directing your life and body to be the best it can be so that the ground is fertile when that seed is finally implanted.